Most of us live in a world where everything is readily available.
We have food delivered to our door, clothes sent to us in the mail, connection feigned through social media and information at our fingertips.
Every humanly need, instantly gratified. We’ve lost the art of savouring a moment. We don’t know how to wait, how to let a feeling linger, let it sit inside and build.
Anticipation, tension, suspense and delayed gratification are non existent in our world. We rush to get all the answers, run on impulse and forget about the journey.
Instant gratification – we desire to experience pleasure without delay – basically, it’s what you want; when you want it; and you want it now.
I’ve dated men and been friends with women who place such a great deal of importance on the instant gratification of sex and emotional vulnerability – the men would expect me to have some type of sexual encounter with them immediately, this would then determine our relationship. But I could never do it, it felt obligatory, like I was being told what I should be doing – this did not work well with me. I like the moments of anticipation, the moments of uncertainty – I don’t like a sure thing – I like to work for it.
It was around about midnight when I heard a knock on the door. He had sent me a text throughout the day telling me he would come over for a drink. I wasn’t sure when or if he would come over at all.
There he stood, dressed in a suit and scarf. I invited him in. And he smiled.
True to my word I poured him a drink and we sat across each other on my kitchen bench.
We had so much tension and chemistry every time we hung out that I knew something was bound to happen, or so I thought.
We spoke about many things, deeply and in lengthy detail, but he wasn’t making a move and I’m not one to to instigate, so I sat there, in anticipation, watching him sip his scotch.
It was now 1am and I had made no progress. He watched me fidget and materialise my frustration – I think he enjoyed it.
“Show me your room” he said, so out of place within our conversation.
Undoubtedly, my face blushed and eyes lit up.
I did as he asked. And we sat at the end of my bed. He lied back and motioned for me to join him. So I did.
We just sat there, not touching until I fell asleep.
He knew exactly what he was doing, he wasn’t depriving me, he was making me find pleasure in waiting – savouring the moment.
I woke up as the sun was rising and looked to him – all my tension and impulse had dissipated and we were there, alone, nothing in our way. He woke up and sleepily kissed my shoulder.
I smiled and the rest, as they say, is history.